LOL smiley face.

its amazing how things can go so up and down. i mean it seems like one thing makes you happy, then when you think of something it changes. i cant help to think about the past buh who doesnt? i mean come on, you cant get not think about it. some people dont and some people do. its not our fault, it just happens. buh as much as i think about the past, i cant help buh think how everything turned out now. yeah there are some "what ifs" and "buts", buh at the end of the day, i wouldnt change anything. and thats all reality right there. yes there are some people i would love and die to have back in my life, or be alive again. buh who knows, maybe it was made to be this way for a reason. as i ponder what was, im happy that i can see myself now and smile. truth is, sometimes the smile is fake still. i cant help buh think that i could of been somewhere totally different. if i woulda stayed where i was, would i ever have my two bestfriends back? if i woulda left washington, would i have the people in my life i do now? and if i woulda ended regretting half of the things i did/do, would i be the person i am today? i know the answers to all of these, buh sometimes i just like to think about it and wonder. i can honestly say, im glad with the choices ive made and all i am very proud of.

for one, i wouldnt have my friends back

i wouldnt have such a great guy around

and i wouldnt be happy, or at least some kind of happy that i am now

everything happens for a reason. its just the cycle of of this thing we like to call life.

no one understands it, no one probably never will

but at the end of the day, thats ohk. maybe were not meant to find out

and i dont plan to. i just plan to keep moving forward and hopefully the happiness will come to along the way.

you aint backin down&i aint backin down so wthell do we do now?

It starts with total silence. Then the words come, then the screaming starts, then eventually the sickness gets to you both and eats you alive. You don't know why it happens it just does. And to see two people you love like sisters go thru it, tragic. With everyone close to me at war, it makes me sit back and think to myself, why? While the fighting continues, it consumes Ýou. Ýou say your sick of it, yet it keeps coming and coming and coming till you get to a point where you can either jump; or keep fighting with whatever,whoever,whenever. Its painful, it hurts you, and it effects everyone and everything around you. I see it and I'm going thru it right now. We don't understand why, we probably never will. It just happens. For me, no I don't know why I'm pushing you away sooo much. I know its killer and I know it hurts. Buh frankly, I don't care. Yeah yeah it sounds bad and yeah yeah I should, buh I can't even front about it. I just don't care. I don't give a dayum, I feel nooo guilty-ness, and I keep mocing forward. You on the other hand have to live with it everyday. And I'm sorry for that. I'm not gonna keep repeating the fact that I'm sorry and I did you wrong, buh sometimes maybe I have to for you to get it. I'm sorry. I mean that's about it.

your just to much;;its just to much

when you cant handle anything anymore. when you wanna just say fuck it and leave. when you know youve hurt the person again and again because you love someone else, it just turns into habbit. you cant help it. you cant. its not on purpose. buh at the same time its not on accident. it just...happens. i didnt mean to get you caught up with me. my problems. my issue after issue. it was never my intention to let you fall so deep when im just fighting with my mind and heart if i should even take the risk and jump. so yes im just watching you fall. i cant help it. heartbreaker. not my intention, buh it is what it is to a point. buh what you have to understand, is that this is my life. my life is all over the place, has many problems, and yes i cant handle it sometimes. buh i make it thru. whether i want to or not. and no you cant help, you cant make everything better. doesnt matter "what i really deserve" or not. it just is. thank you for your concern, trying to help, and lack of accomplishment. buh i gotta keep moving whether you are there or not. its to much, its never gonna get better. maybe just maybe oneday, buh right now, it wont. i will get worse and you will fall and hit alot harder than you thought you would. remember was never my intention, you just got caught up in my world. and if i were you ;; i would pull the parashoot before its to late..

The EX Factor.

You wanna bugg out when you hear his name. And you wanna bugg out when he's brought up. You say your not jealous when you really are. And why you can't just admit it is sad. Yeah he did me dayum dirty, and he and I both know that. Yes we fight and argue and fight some more, buh were still cool and keep everything to a level where were still chill no matter the situation or complication. You wanna push and push and push buh I don't push back for good reason and for a reason I shouldn't have to explain. Your I'm sorrys mean nothing, your I love yous don't wanna hear them. You can't just let it go. I can't let it go because the ex factor has something tht belongs to me. And yes I'm trying my best to get it back, yes I'm trying buh its a process. No you can't help and no you can't make the pain go away. This is a me myself and I mission. If your not on board, get the hell off.

Formspring.me

WOW

people really have the need to talk about peoples families on here?

talking about someones mother ; father ; brother ; sister?

who gives you the right? yes, formspring is the perfect place for people to talk all the shit that they want to and not have to second think anything about it. and no, you cant even get mad. but to go and talk about someones fuckin family on there? there are some L O W people. are you really that insecure about yourself that you have to go and talk about how people look, there weight, there F A M I L Y, how they act and wht they do?

oen thing i dont understand, is why?

i signed up on formspring for my own little expermient, and i got everything i was expecting.

people talking about my size, how much i weigh, things from my past and people from my past, and worst of all, my family. ive seen people talk about peoples UNBORN CHILDEREN. now tell me thats right? tell me thats ohk cause its "formspring"? hell no. it made me realize that people that are behind a computer screen, really feel some kind of power. you will most likely never find out who they are, and if you do, then what? this just made me realize this is a OPEN oppertunity to speak your mind. most people like me, just brush it off and laugh. i dont give a fuck bout what anyone has to say about me. i know whats going on in my life and whos in it and where im at.

so why would you care so much? buh for people who dont have that i really could care less attitude, your breaking them. formspring at your own risk. buh my experiments over. good luck everyone on formspring, cause im OUTTIE