They Call Her Madusa.

it happened wayyyyy to fast. this whole you and me thing. yeah, we've known eachother for ever and a day. but what YOU have to undertand, is that im not the little girl that you used to play in the sandbox with. im not the same girl as i was at the age of 5,6,&7 years of age. ive done alot of growing and exploring. and what ive found out is that im not a heart pleaser. im a super tease, and once i see something i want, ill sink my claws into it and hang on for as long as i can. i didnt mean to tease and flirt my way back into your life, and i know that you didnt want it to happen that way ither. it just happened. and what i cant seem to figure out, is do you really have love for me? or do you LOVE the fact that you have someone. thats where the comfusion comes in for me ;; because you seem SO perfect. and im not used to that. your someone i dont have to worry about 24/7, your someone who can take care of me for once and for me to take care of you is out of the question. but at the ned of the day my thing is, ima big girl ;; baby i can save myself im not saying i dont like it cause for once it feels good not to have to be up a tnight worrying about whats happening and whats going on. i just have that feeling that your to perfect, and i HAVE to findout if there are any flaws in you. its like a never ending mission for me, but its something i have to accept and just say "hey, maybe you have finally found someone who is just flawless...?" one things for sure, ima stay in the single stage until i can find something out for myself, and for when it comes to you and me.

BYE BYE DADDY

so why do you keep putting my family thru this pain?
you have a 14 year old boy who looks up to you, a women who wants to give you the world plus more, and a 18 year old girl that love you and considers you as a father. or did at least. i dont understand. how could this addiction be sooooooooooooooo much more important than a "family". we have given you everything we possibly can or could. we have offered you help. we have gone on long exausting getting our hopes up drives to the slums of washington and back searching for you praying that we would see you walking ont he street or sleeping in a church just to know that you were ohk. i dont understand it. and probably never will. but until the day i do, i dont need this. neither does my mother or my little brother for that matter. you have come and made my mother mad as hell/broke down, my little brother bitter toward any man that may come in and fix things in our family, and you have left me with my hopes up and just not giving a fuck about anything of the such. you once told me "you can do anything you want to do. all you have to do is keep going". so why cant you take your own advice? why cant you just let us help you? i know that my mother is not superwomen, sista soulja, or no rosa barks. but she is someone who has open arms, a open heart, and an open mind trying to fix what you have torn up.

so when the day comes that YOU figure out who YOU really are, i hopw shit works for you.
until then, i will remain with my i dont give a fuck attitude, because i will NOT make the mistake of letting another "MAN" come into my life, and walking back out

have a nice fucking day

IT FEELS SO GOOOOOD TO BE BACKKKKKK :)

A LOT of shit has come & gone in my life the last year and then some. I lost what i thought was the love of my life, to gain back my importance and balance that made my life off course and out of control. i feel like a much stronger person being able to be better and better as the seconds,minutes,hours,days,&weeks pass me by. I almost feel complete again. Like i can start fresh. And that feeling always feels good. Along with 2010 rolling into town, i hsve come across some new friends and some old ones who were willing to give second chances with semi open arms. With the doubts i knwo they still have, i am greatful that they have come back into my life. For the new friends, i am more greatful because they are helping me get thru the tough times when it comes to that certain someone who took everything and ran. Its all a lesson. And i have learned it and now i am moved on because i realize that fighting for something that isnt going to fight for you, is like daddy eating all of y shoes and feeling sick afterwards. its going to get you no where. Im at a place and state of mind where i can be more than just "alright" and for once be "better than ever" or "great". i love my family more than i love life its self. i love my puppy daddy because he reminds me of the "goodtimes" i once shared with the one that used to be my other half. I know now that it is ohk to open up and take the risk no matter how bad the fall might be, and i now understand that no one is perfect. and before you come to me and ask me what my problem is, look at yourself and ask the person who is staring at you in the mirror that. see when kind of answer you get. like said in tylers house of payne "you must READ the bible, before you can QUOTE the bible".

I am breyana, I am single, and I am happy for once in my life :)

have a good one.